Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman,
“Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!”
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, “My God, if I
knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!”
And the woman was thinking to herself, “My...
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John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife’s
side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was
downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things
by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and asked him to ‘Bring
this note to your beautiful Mummy.’...
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A young couple on the brink of divorce visits a marriage counselor. The
counselor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds ” My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?”
The husband replies “Well not exactly, it’s her that suffers not me.”
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Doctor, the embarrassed man said, ‘I have a sexual problem. I can’t get it up
for my wife anymore.’ ‘Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me
see what I can do.’ So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following
pad. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, ‘Please remove your clothes,
Mrs....
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When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was
attracted to him, and during her questions about his life,
she asked him how he had sex. “Tarzan not know sex,” he
replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, “Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.”
Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all...
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Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the
mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too
small. Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not
so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every
day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your
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10. Splash on a little goat’s blood.
9. Play romantic music to drown out the cries of tortured
dissidents.
8. Shampoo and condition your mustache.
7. Don’t be a cheapskate at the movies — buy the large
hummus!
6. Have a violinist brought over to your table and
executed.
5. Show sensitive side by...
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An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini - “I
want to feel your breasts” he exclaimed.
“Get away from me, you crazy old man” she replied.
“I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars,” he says.
“Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!”
Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to
getting older. The first guy said “Women have all the luck when it comes to
getting older.”
“What do you mean?” asked the second guy.
“Well,” replied the first. “I can barely remember the last time I got aroused
in bed, but my wife...
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A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the
ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity
he asks her what she is brewing.
“A magic potion” she replies.
“Well what is it for?” he asks.
“This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer.”
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and
during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. “Tarzan not
know sex,” he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, “Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.”
Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong,...
Continue reading »