In prison you spend a majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.
The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said “To be
in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in
the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man
took the gun, hesitated, and said “Sorry, I can’t...
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Log on, wait a second, then get a frightened look on your face and scream ‘Oh
my God! They’ve found me!’ and bolt.
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then suddenly stop and look
suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
When your computer is turned off, complain to your neighbor that you can’t get
the damn thing...
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NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.
IT’S HERE AT LAST - Rush...
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The following are ways to determine whether a truck is company owned:
1. Company trucks travel faster in all gears.
2. They accelerate much faster than personal trucks, leaving tire marks on
pavement.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance, leaving more tire marks.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private trucks.
Top ten reasons to tell if you were caught sleeping.
10. They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
9. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time
management course you sent me to.
8. Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in
time.
7. I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating...
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Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked
across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had
settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly,
“Jesus, I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam
war…could you help me?”
“Of...
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Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George:
“Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She’s a lot better in
bed than my wife!”
Two days later. George to John: “Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well,
but I still think your wife is better in bed!
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two
equal?”
The mathematician replies “Four.”
The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the
interviewer incredulously and says
“Yes, four,...
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d rented a beautiful
office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear
busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big
deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally,...
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Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times
during...
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