The British speech:
“If you are ferocious in battle, remember to be magnanimous
in victory, we go to liberate, not to conquer.
We are entering Iraq to free a people, and the only flag
that will be flown in that ancient land is their own. Don’t
treat them as refugees, for they are in their own country.
If there are casualties of...
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As the Democratic Party hones its campaign strategy for
next year’s election, it might look to Austin, Texas, where
Democrats are facing off against Republicans using a
strategy experts have dubbed “running like hell.”
Fifty-three legislators from the Texas House of
Representatives bolted for the Oklahoma state line to
prevent...
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My answer to “What to do with Bin Laden?” Well, this sounds
good to me. It would be true poetic justice:
Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner
will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his
release. Therefore, I suggest we do neither.
Let the Secret Service, Navy Seals, or whomever covertly
capture...
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1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can’t know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must
immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding...
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I need = I want
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious
by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure…go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re so manly...
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A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident. Both
cars are totaled, but luckily no one was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, “Wow,
just look at our cars! They are destroyed. Fortunately, we
aren’t hurt. This must be a sign from God that we should
meet and be friends and live together in peace for the...
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A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife
interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway?
It’s been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does
it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I
don’t think so.”
“Well,...
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Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting
my favorite team. My seat wasn’t the greatest, so when I
noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I
headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if
the seat was taken. He replied, “No”.
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the
seat...
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Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and
it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark
until they mature into something you’d want to have with
dinner.
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one
is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man
answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as
a public...
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A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon
pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled,
he said, “That’s once.”
Then it stumbled again. He said, “That’s twice.”
Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn’t
say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the horses
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