1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2) You now think of three espressos as ”getting wasted.”
3) You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
5) You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he
emails...
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An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier
and says: “Ah, you’re an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup
company and got rich. You’ve had too good of a life, so now you can’t come in
here.”
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the
engineer...
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It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the
scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head
scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a
congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone,...
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Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their
birthday.
Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and
automatic transmissions.
I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium?
How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
You’re sweeter than glucose.
We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
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Top Ten Things Engineering School didn’t Teach You
1. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
2. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
3. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
4. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except
the complex math, which you...
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Three freshman engineering students were sitting around talking between
classes, when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an
electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.
Another disagreed, and exclaimed that it had to have been...
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An engineer, a mathmatician and an arts graduate were given the task of
finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution
wins a $1000).
The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but
resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it
touched the ground and then climbed...
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During the heat of the space race in the 1960’s, NASA decided it needed a ball
point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed
at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as
a novelty item back here on earth.
The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph
is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los
Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat.
What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.