One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone
else’s and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. Then she asked
why I didn’t turn in the homework. I guess I forgot to change the name on it.
A teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up
except for one student.
“Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?”
“The Red Sox.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.”
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked
him, “Daddy, what is sex?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a
question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is
old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the “birds and the bees.”...
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I’d had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came,
I laid down the law: “We’re putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and
reading ONE book. Then it’s lights out!” Her arms went around my neck in a
gentle embrace, and she said, “We learned in Sunday school about little boys and
girls who...
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“Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son.” “OK: He’s most likely
suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder,
punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full
recovery.” “How can you say all that without even meeting him?” “I thought you
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A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the family room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes,
then complete silence.
The girl looked at her dad and said, “It was Mom.”
“How do you know?”
“She didn’t say anything.”
A young child walks into a corner store and picks up a big box of laundry
detergent.
The storekeep trying to be friendly says, “Got a lot of laundry to do?”
The boy says, “Haha no. I’m actually going to go wash my dog with it.”
The storekeep says, “Son, that stuff is very powerful. If you use it to wash
your dog...
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One Sunday morning, as was his custom, the pastor of a small church had all
the children come up front for a brief children’s church. He enjoyed asking the
children various questions, and hearing their answers. On this particular
morning, he noticed little Susie feeling a bit shy, so he leans over to her and
says, “Susie, that’s certainly...
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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together
for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes.”
The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You...
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Little Johnny was sitting outside a church playing with sulphuric acid.
The priest came up to him and said “Child why are you playing with sulphuric
acid,thats dangerous I’ve got some holy water inside that is much more powerful”
Little Johnny relied “How come?”
“Well last week I splashed some holy water on Mrs.Wilson’s...
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A priest was walking down the street when he saw a little boy jumping up and
down to try to reach a doorbell. So the priest walked over and pressed the
button for the youngster. “And now what, my little man?” he asked.
“Now,” said the boy, “run like hell!”