Q: Why have scientists begun to use lawyers instead of lab rats for research?
A: Two reasons: first, they are more plentiful than rats, second, the
researchers don’t get as attached to them.
One problem, though, is that no one has been able to extrapolate the test
results to human beings.
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking
down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who
gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Q. What do a lawyer and a prostitute have in common?
A. They both screw people out of money.
A man doing telephone solicitations for a local charity called up a prominent
and wealthy lawyer and asked him for a modest donation. The lawyer became
incensed at the request and said to his caller: “I bet you weren’t aware that
just this past week my wife required major surgery and the expenses for this
surgery weren’t covered by insurance.”
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the
sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant
on the police force covering that beat. He stopped the
car and asked,
“Why, Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beatout here in
the sticks, would it?”
“That it is,” Mike replied grimly, “ever since...
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IT WAS SO COLD THIS MORNING I SAW A LAWYER WITH HIS HANDS IN HIS OWN POCKETS.
Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, “Is it true they’re suing the
cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?”
“Yes, Bubba, sure is true.” responded the lawyer.
“And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and
clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries,...
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Q. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A. Your Honour
What do you call an honest lawyer?
Broke.
Everyone in the courtroom waited with great anticipation as the judge,
ensconced in his chambers, considered the evidence in the widely publicized
paternity suit. Emerging after a long deliberation, the brooding magistrate
entered the courtroom and took his seat behind the bench. Staring at the
defendent, he suddenly reached into his robes, withdrew a cigar,...
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Q: What’s the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.