A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to
trick them into doing some work for a change.
“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he
announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”
Nine hands went up.
“Why didn’t you put your hand up?”...
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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to
change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those
people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be
careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I
may have to kiss tomorrow.
It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at
the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who
roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift
envelope. At the second house they presented...
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Patient: During my operation, Nurse, I heard the surgeon use a four-letter
word that upset me very much.
Nurse: What word was that?
Patient: “Oops!”
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window,
stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a
computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short
time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist...
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Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the
other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took
the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes,
wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said,
“I think I’ll get up and get...
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Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide more
consistent method of accounting for staff during working hours, thus ensuring
effective time management & equal treatment of all. In the future, the doors to
all toilets will be equipped with computer linked voice recognition devices,
which can only be activated to open at the
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“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, sir,” the new recruit replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine … ” the boss went on.
“After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she
stopped in to see you.”
I have found out the real reason why I’m tired, because I’m overworked! The
population of this country is 237 million: 104 million are retired. That leaves
133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48
million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government. This leaves 19 million...
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a man was in an ice cream parlor waiting to buy some ice cream. there was one
lady in front of him. she ordered a chocolate cone.
the soda-jerk told her he’s sorry but they have run out of chocolate. she
said, “ok, then i’ll have some chocolate.”
he told her, “lady, i’m out of chocolate.”
once again she said,...
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A young engineer was leaving the office at 6:00 pm
when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder
with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “This is important, and my
secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young engineer. He turned the
machine on,...
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