Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two
eagle eyed referee’s assistants and one stupid ball.
Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around
Fans: Two sets of abusive referees
Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where “innocent” players are
drawn towards.
Scoring:...
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Four women were out on the golf course, when one pointed out a white blur
approaching from a distance.. As it grew closer, they could see it was a
streaker drawing near.. As the nude guy ran past the women one said, “My golly,
which is that? Was that Dick Green??”
Another answered, “I don’t think so. I think it was just the reflection.”...
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A college football lineman married one of the team’s cheerleaders. The coach
said, “You’re such a big guy–why did you marry such a petite woman? She’s no
bigger than your hand.”
“That’s right, Coach,” replied the lineman, “but she’s much better!”
A man applied to Sheffield Wednesday FC for a job on the administrative staff.
‘What we’re really looking for here,’ said the chairman, ‘is what you might call
a “chief worrier”!
Someone to worry about things like falling attendances, finances, league
promotion, violence on the terraces, and so on. For a chap like that...
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At Swindon:
SWINDON TOWN IS MAGIC!
And underneath:
WATCH THEM DISAPPEAR FROM THE SECOND DIVISION!
Dumbarton, Scotland:
JESUS SAVES!
And underneath:
DUMBARTON SHOULD SIGN HIM FOR GOAL!
Second Division Club:
STOCKTON -ON-TEAS FOR THE CUP!
Republican area of Belfast:
BRITS OUT!
Under which someone had added:
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In the heat of the game, one of the players threw a vicious punch the victim
was all set to get -stuck into him when the referee rushed up and held him back.
‘Now then, O’Hara! You know you mustn’t retaliate!’
‘Come on ref!’ said O’Hara. ‘He retaliated first!’
Three football codes prevail in Ireland: Rugby, which is defined as a thugs’
game played by gentlemen; soccer - a gentleman’s game played by thugs; and
Gaelic football - a thugs’ game played by thugs!
There was a football coach that had a player on his team that was a bit low.
The Dean told him that if the player could learn the formula for water, then he
would be allowed to play in the big game.
The day of the big game came and the Dean called the player into his office
and asked him to recite the formula for water. The player grinned real big and
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* When you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a “USA! USA!” chant.
* When you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn’t “play with the big
boys,” and that she will never get past mid-card status.
* When you search and search the bible for the book of Austin.
* If you can actually remember Sting’s last public...
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`I don’t care about results!’ said an Irish team manager being interviewed on
television. ‘Just so long as our team wins!’
Two Irish tram managers promised their players a 1 pint of Guinness for every
goal they scored during an important match. The final score was 119-98.