stand by when you hear the five most dangerous things in the marine corps:
1.a private saying, “i learned this in basic training…”
2.a sergeant saying, “trust me, sir…”
3.a second lieutenant saying, “based on my experience…”
4.a captain saying, “i was just thinking…”
5.a sergeant...
Continue reading »
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That is what their students are for. (from Philip Clarke in New
Scientist)
Q: How many laboratory heads (senior researchers, etc.) does it take to change
a lightbulb?
A: Five; one to change the lightbulb, the other four to stand around arguing
whether he/she is taking the right approach.
Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it’ll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.
Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it’ll probably take three or four tries to get it right because
he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
A: It all depends on the size of the grant.
A: Two and a professor to take credit.
A: 1/100. A graduate student needs to change 100 lightbulbs a day.
A: I don’t know, but make my stipend tax-free, give...
Continue reading »
First we state that girls require time and money :-
Girls = Time x Money
And we know that time is money :-
Time = Money
Therefore :-
Girls = Money x Money
Girls = (Money)^2
And because ‘money is the root of all evil’
Girls = (Evil)^1/2 x (Evil)^1/2
Girls = Evil
if girls require time _and_ money, should that be stated
Girls = Time + Money
instead? This leaves us with, using the well-known fact that time is money
which you mentioned,
Girls = 2*Money
Under the assumption that money is the root of all evil, it can now be found
that
Girls = 2*sqrt(evil)
In words, girls are _twice_ the...
Continue reading »
Proof:
We know that
a) Time is Money
b) Knowledge is Power
and from Physics
c) Power = Work / Time
By simple substitution:
Knowledge = Work / Money
Knowledge * Money = Work
Money = Work / Knowledge
It follows that as knowledge goes to 0, money goes to infinity.
While taking a psych. course in college, the teacher had a habit of putting
the following questions on an exam:
“Ask yourself a question and answer it”
Being a math major, I asked myself “Solve the following differential equation
[* equation deleted *] under the following conditions [* conditions deleted *]”
and proceeded...
Continue reading »
Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician?
A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you.