I work at a bank and one day we received a call from one of our branches that
was having problems with the keyboard at one of their drive-up stations.
I ask the teller what was wrong and she replied, “Our keyboard will not work,
they keys are stuck!”
I asked several questions and it turns out that some water had gotten into the
keyboard....
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20) Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ‘95.
19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17) Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.
16) Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.”
15) Fire hydrant...
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DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz.
can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8
compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be
discontinued, although a lot of people are...
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1. It’s easier for a woman to “turn on” a computer
2. Women don’t have motherboard fixations.
3. Women are much better at FDISK-ing a hard drive
4. When lost on the Internet, women are willing to ask for directions.
5. Women can communicate gossip and rumors quicker than the fastest modem.
6. Only women (I think) can marry...
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Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve
been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been
selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good
mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be
locked...
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1. Lately she sits at the computer naked.
2. After signing off, she always has a cigarette.
3. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.
4. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.
5. She’s gotten amazingly good at typing one handed.
6. She makes sarcastic remakrs about your “software”.
7. Lipstick on the mouse.
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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical
engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of
the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be
wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the
car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred....
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10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order...
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The U.S. military has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any
strategic or tactical problem.
Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to
feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical
situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?
The computer...
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Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0
(marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it’s a memory hogger, has taken
all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although
he didn’t ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and
BrotherInLaw....
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I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the
shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd,
but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water and
tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the
room, and all the waiters and busboys had spoons in...
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