DrollyJokes.com

Punchlines With Absolutely No Context

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

“No, no, no!” said the penguin, “I suffer from Seasonal
Affective Disorder!”
“Surprise! Surprise! That’s not my ear canal either!”

Oh no! The leak is coming from the Global Positioning
Satellite System again!

“Mommy Mommy,” Little Johnny replied, “is that why the
soufflé is burnt?”

“Tokyo?” Said the nun, “You fool, I said take the hoe!”

And then my dad farted and it smelled and I said to my
father you farted and it smelled.

And slowly, the sheep turned to each other and glared
silently.

“Whew!” said the blonde, “I thought you meant the vacuum-
insulated sealable container with the heat reflective inner
surface!”

“No wait, you don’t understand,” said the fat man, “Pop
Tarts are a substitute for my mother’s love!”

As they opened the door they realized they were terribly
mistaken. The dog was only taking a nap.

“Yeah,” said the Scottsman, “but at least I don’t have a
scented hand soap named after ME!”

As she spoke he whirled the egg beater around and
yelled “EGG BEATER!”

“Isotope?” He replied, “That’s no isotope!”

Bombed Outta My Head

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop
stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a
book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for
fun. They then landed, to survey the damage they caused.
The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and
holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying
and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing
his head off.
“What’s so funny?” they asked him.

“It was great,” he said. “I farted and my neighbor’s house
blew up.”

The Geography of Men and Women

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or
Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally
beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or
Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open
to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or
Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war
but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq.
She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive
reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada.
Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically
unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or
Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas
no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair’s a women
really).

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone
knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled
by a dick.

Vaguely Obscene Nun Jokes

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle.

What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and
down?
A nun churning butter.

What is black and white and screams “YES! YES! YES!”
A nun winning at BINGO.

What is black and white and pink and hard?
A nun stopping, lifting her habit up to her shins, and
sratching her ankle bone.

What is black and white and gooey and creamy?
A nun eating a bowl of Tapioca pudding.

What is black and white and makes a wet, sucking sound?
A toothless, elderly nun eating a Communion wafer.

Whats another name

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

Whats another name for a push-up bra?
False advertisement.

A kid came home

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, “Dad, I
heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What
is a vagina, and what does it look like?”
“Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened
rose.”
“Wow, what does it look like after sex?”
“Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?”

Picture perfect

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

A husband said to his wife, “I will take a photo of your
breasts and frame it .” The wife said to her husband, “I will take a photo of
your penis and enlarge it.”

Fish Market

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and
he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and
said, “Hello ladies!”

Bottle opener

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened by the time she brings it to
you!

Corporate America

e-man — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:48:58 +0000

The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance
level workers is basketball.
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.

The game of choice for middle management is tennis.

The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.

Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are,
the smaller your balls are.