A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the
waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there’s
a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress,
“Waitress, there’s a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!”
So, the waitress takes him back where the...
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A man and woman had a son but when he was born all he was was a head. The
doctors didn’t expect him to live very long. But the boy survived, so on his
eighteenth birthday his father took him out to a bar for a drink.
The father ordered his son a scotch and when the boy drank it, out popped an
arm. He was ecstatic so he drank another shot, and out popped another arm....
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In the USA, everything that is not prohibited by law is permitted.
In Germany, everything that is not permitted by law is prohibited.
In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law.
In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law.
In Switzerland, everything that is not prohibited by law is obligatory.
Your family’s so poor, when you go to KFC you have to lick other peoples
fingers!
Proverbs
”Passionate kiss, like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.”
”Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!”
”Man who run behind car get exhausted”
”Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day”
”Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.”
”Man who walk...
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good of man.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it
take.
OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken knew nothing...
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Hi y’all…muh name id’s Bubba and dis is muh fameily:
Furst is me… Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a
babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart
alot.
My Mom has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a
little luck I could be a garbage man one day.
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a
stall and went over to take a look. “What’s going on?” Ed asked one of the
crowd.
“We’re watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine,” he
said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. “Nobody has managed to stay on
for the full three...
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With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up at the local emergency room
and a hippie is wheeled out on a gurney. The doctor questions the patient’s
long-haired colleagues. ”So what was he doing then?” asks the physician.
”Acid? Cannabis?” ”Sort of,” replies one of the hippies, nervously thumbing
his caftan. ”But we ran out...
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A man sobering up from the night before was sitting through the Sunday sermon,
finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nodded
off.
The priest had been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and
was disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decided to make an example
of him.
He said to his congregation,...
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Why did the ram fall off the cliff?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.